The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
