He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
