dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
