Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize