i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
