shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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