I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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