I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
