Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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