he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
