I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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