why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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