WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
