Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
