Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
