i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All the doctor said was why
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
