In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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