I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can't motorboat a personality
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
