im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
