Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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