i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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