Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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