She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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