True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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