Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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