walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
