I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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