Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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