Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
