yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
