He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
