who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
