we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize