i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
