My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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