they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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