I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
