i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
