so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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