I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize