I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
