I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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