i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
