So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
