Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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