If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
