I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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