my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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