Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize