I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
