dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize