So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
