I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
