It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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