my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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