there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize