That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
