Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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