You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
