The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
