you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
