grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
