He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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