Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
