Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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