Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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