you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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