Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
