I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
