I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
