my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
