I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
