im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
