I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
