We won't sleep together?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
