I'm drive I can fine osifer
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
