I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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