not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
