and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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