in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
