i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
