Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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