I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize