How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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