As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
